Embarrassed And Ashamed!

Paramount, Live, NYE 2018, The Cotillion

I’m all for accountability and this time, I have to hold myself accountable for my actions, even though I don’t remember said actions. Last night, on New Year’s Eve, the wife and I went out to The Cotillion to see The Astronauts and Paramount, two 80s cover bands. And at the end of the night, I was abusive towards the band, yelling “you suck” and “you f**ked up”, they did screw up with the countdown to New Year, they completely missed it by almost two minutes, but they didn’t deserve that verbal barrage.

I sincerely apologize to Paramount and The Cotillion for my actions, there is no excuse for me acting like a dick, and I feel like the worst person in the world right now. Regardless of what they did or didn’t do, this behavior is not acceptable in any way, shape or form. I have zero recollection of the events of those minutes, I remember standing up and feeling disoriented, the next thing I remember is being in the car.

I didn’t find out about my despicable actions until my wife told me what I did this afternoon. I was already feeling pretty terrible, throwing up, which makes me think there is more going on than simply being hungover, I rarely vomit from alcohol overindulgence, not that I felt I was drunk, I still feel terrible now almost 24 hours later. I feel physically and mentally sick, hearing about my actions from last night.

From this point, I’m not making excuses, I am just trying to piece together what happened, I was certainly not drunk, minutes before all this went down, I felt fine, I had a bit of a buzz going on, and I was happy.

I was drinking regular Coors, which I have never had before, and over the course of five hours, I drank 6 Coors and a single Wichita Brewing Company IPA. Not enough to get me drunk, the previous week, I drank six Newcastle Brown Ales and two Strongbow ciders, albeit, at home, which was of a much stronger alcohol value than what I drank at The Cotillion without any issues, in fact, it only gave me a slight buzz. This makes me wonder whether it was an ingredient in the Coors that I had a reaction to.

Another possibility is; because I was not drinking light beers, the sugar level is much higher; and with me being diabetic and not having taken my meds that day, that could have had an effect on me. My outburst and blackout came so suddenly, I felt fine, then I lose 10 minutes of my life. I was previously a very heavy drinker and have been in some sorry states, but I have never blacked out like this, and that scares me.

I am ashamed and dismayed by my actions, I have had anger management issues in the past, but I have worked hard to correct this. If this is the effect that alcohol now has on me, I’d rather just stay away from alcohol altogether. Again, I apologize to The Cotillion, Paramount and anyone I offended by my actions.

2 thoughts on “Embarrassed And Ashamed!

  • James Millard commented on January 2, 2018 at 06:07

    Kudos to you for facing up to you actions. I must admit, this really does not sound like you. I can’t recount you ever behaving this way years ago. Try not to be too hard on yourself Jason. Nobody is perfect and bottom line is this was not the normal you. I was not there, but I know you well enough to know something else was at play here – the drink of choice, the sugar levels, the meds or lack, lack of food or maybe a combination. It could be worse. Chances are that most people did not notice and those who did probably assumed you were just pissed. Nobody got physically hurt and I am sure the band and the staff ignored it.

  • Thanks for the support, James. I think that I will be laying off the booze at the next gig on January 19, 2018, I still don’t feel right, 40 hours later, I never have a hangover for this long, something else has to be at play in this situation.

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