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Has Anyone Seen My Inspiration?

For most of today, I have been trying to come up with a decent design for the Phoenix Live site, without any luck, I just dont seem to have any inspiration at all today, cant even decide on a colour scheme, it has gotten to the point where I am getting annoyed with myself, so decided to kill the idea for tonight, tomorrow is another day.

Not a lot else has happened today, so I shall leave you with “HOW TO POO AT WORK” courtesy of Cringer of the PCFF!

We’ve all been there but don’t like to admit it we’ve all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POO is inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn’t know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a…

FREQUENT FLYER
People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER
A colleague who poos at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.

WATERMELON
A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. Can create your own Tsunami, which will result in a puddle appearing appearing under the stall door. Also, there is the inevitable embarrassment of “splashback”. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See O-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELETTE
A case of diarrhoea that creates series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often companied by an Escapee. Try using Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.


Another Bizarre Night!

Tonight I went to the Phoenix to take some more pictures of the bands, but the headlining band, who was supposed to be there at 6pm, eventually rolled in at nearly 9pm, and wondered why no-one was in the Phoenix. The gig had been cancelled, as the Phoenix didnt think that they were gonna turn up, so cancelled the support acts. The band, Jeniferever decided that they were gonna kick off, it was their fault in the first place for not calling to say they were gonna be late, but they thought better of it in the end, but did try to steal some of the cables and equipment, and kicked the panels in on the front door, complete assholes, oh yeah, they were Swedish. I dont know how people behave in Sweden, but its certainly not how we behave here in the UK, most bands are really nice people, but these guys were just plain assholes.


I Have A…

Complimentary Phoenix T-Shirt, so I have been accepted into the Phoenix family, fixing Rachaels computer probably helped, but hey, it is my second home, apart from the family dog, seems to have taken a dislike to me, trying to rip my arm off as I walked up the stairs, but it makes life interesting. Got some pictures of the Phoenix 5, which are the house band for the lack of a better name, although only 4 were in on acoustic day, will put those pictures up sometime tomorrow, my brain isnt working too well after being sat in the pub all day.

I managed to forget to record Scrapheap Challenge, Enterprise and Robot Wars for the second week in a row, now I have nothing to watch tonight. But England managed a cricket score in the rugby against Uruguay, winning 111 – 13, so its been a pretty good day apart from the minor dog attack incident, but we shall forget about that.

Currently Listening to: Bring It On Home, by The Southpaw Jinx (see yesterdays update)


And The Word Was Rock…

Another night out at the Phoenix, another 3 live bands, first up was Rend Asunder, who were far too shouty for my liking, but I guess there is a market for random noise. Second up were Mockin’ Grin, another shouty type band, but better than Rend Asunder. Finally, The Southpaw Jinx were up for an hour set as another band pulled out (result!!!), what can I say about these guys, bloody amazing, impressed me so much that I bought 2 of their CDs, a bargain at £2 each. They have an early Metallica feel about them, who knows, in a few years they could be the next Metallica, good luck to them is what I say. I did remember to take some photo’s inbetween enjoying the music, they can be found here, then click on the ’01/11/03′ link.

Also today, I pulled my finger out and created a proper site for all the pictures that I take while out at live gigs, so you can now take a leasurely stroll around my live world.

In sport, Plymouth Argyle could only manage a 2 – 2 draw against Oldham (a bit disapointing after the recent run of big wins), but despite this, they are still top of Division 2. Ireland almost managed to turn over the Aussies in the rugby, only 1 point in it at the end of the game, the Scots scraped through to the next round by beating Fiji by 2 points, so things are looking good for the home nations at the moment.


In The Pub Again…

Last night, I ended up at the Phoenix yet again, with a dozen of my mates as they were all going to the Halloween bash at C103, but unfortunately I couldnt go, as I am banned for life, which doesnt normally bother me, but when all your mates are going and you cant, it tends to really hit you. Just as well I couldnt go really, early mornings and late nights dont mix, left the Phoenix at 11:30, got home, turned on the TV, and fell asleep within minutes, hence the lack of updates last night. No bands were playing last night, so no pictures this morning, but will be out at the Phoenix for 4 live bands tonight, so pictures either tonight or tomorrow.


Rough & Smooth

Well, this morning felt like a cold day in hell for me after last nights belated birthday festivities, take some advice from me, dont drink to excess, its not big, and its not clever, and I am never gonna drink again, well until next time anyway. I managed to get some great pictures of the live gig at the Phoenix before going clubbing, pictures here.

But later in the day after taking some drugs (not the illegal type) I felt much better, and I got a visit from my good friend, Dave, that I havent seen in 6 months. Not only that, but he asked me to be his best man at his wedding to his better half, Lynne. So its been a generally good day, although I am still feeling a little fragile, thanks to the demon drink, should be back to normal tomorrow hopefully.


Belated Birthday Party..

It’s an early update from me today, as I probably wont be in any state to even sit at the PC, let alone type something! I am going out to celebrate my birthday, OK, it’s 2 days late, but the lack of cash on Monday was a killer, also all my my mates got paid either yesterday or today, so my birthday ended up on a really bad day this year. Click here to see if you are a geek or not, I only managed 43% which suprised me as I consider myself quite a geek, but the test says that I am not, so I am happy.

Canabis is to be downgraded to a class C drug, about time in my opinion, I personally dont touch canabis, or any other drug (unless you include alcohol) but I have plenty of friends that do. It’s not anymore harmful than smoking in my opinion, and I think it should be legalised fully, or make smoking tabacco illegal as well, but thats never gonna happen as the government would lose too much money is extortionate taxes on tabacco.


ARSE!!!…

Today I found out that my brother had accidentally thrown out my Telewest/Blueyonder bill, I called Telewest to request that a copy of the bill be sent to me, and guess what, £10 administration charge. For £10, I expect the bill to be embossed onto gold, what the hell is this world coming to, the bill is only for £27. Also today I have been playing the Weakest Link Online game, managed to win the £10k after several attempts (31), a lot harder than it looks, just a shame that its virtual money, rather than hard cash, £10k would be very handy at the moment.

Other than that, I havent done too much today, played a little Gran Turismo 3, watched a dodgy Japanese dubbed movie, fixed a minor glitch in the site, installed Steam, so a return to playing TFC is likely, and been looking into some noise pollution, thinking of getting myself a drum kit.


Its My Birthday…

…And I dont have any money to celebrate it. :crying:

My computer decided to give me a shock earlier, when the PSU decided it had enough and rather spectacularly nuked itself, just as well I have a side window in my PC so I could see what happening and hit the power switch before it damaged any other componants. Luckily I had a spare power supply from a previous case, although, its only 300watts, the nuked one was 400watts. So looks like its gonna be more cost to me as I really need to get a more powerful PSU, another £40 I really cant afford to spend, damn frustrating, nothing goes wrong when I have the cash, and as soon as I have no cash, something goes wrong.

Also today I got a call from BT demanding that I pay my bill immediately by debit or credit card, which is impossible as I cant get a bank account, because of stupid bureaucracy, I need a passport or drivers licence, they wont accept anything else. Anyway back onto BT, its only 4 days overdue, and I intended to pay the bill in full tomorrow, how greedy can a company get, it’s only £40 FFS, whats this world coming to?

Something amusing this morning, I was listening to my local radio station, Plymouth Sound, and they seemed to be an hour ahead of everyone else, so I thought that they must have forgotten to set their clocks back. But unlike 2000 other people, I resisted the temptation to call the station about their time keeping error, just as well, as the station were winding people up, some people rushed to work thinking they were late, but were infact early, but I thought that it was a cracking joke, top marks, Plymouth Sound.

Getting back to my birthday, if anyone from Plymouth is reading this, and you want to buy me a birthday drink, send me an Email, probably wont work, but worth a try :wink:


Sad Day

I have just compiled my last stats update for PC Format SETI@home, I have been compiling the stats for the last 12 months, and had become such a big part of my life, but due to other commitments I am no longer able to devote as much time as is required, so I thought it best to stand down as statsman.

In other news, England have made it through to the last 8 of the rugby world cup, although not very convincingly, the 35 – 22 scoreline flattered the English, I hope they can up their game for the upcoming matches or else they will be dumped out of the cup.

Currently listening to Metallica’s ‘Reload’ album.