My feelings of discontent…

…have resurfaced again; which was reflected on Friday night, which I am not going to go into, but it required a few apologies to be made to various people! It seems that the uncertainty of my future is starting to get to me, I just want to find somewhere to live ASAP, and not be messing about like Stephen and Nic are; just waiting to see what happens, I like to be in control of my destiny, which I don’t feel at the moment. I am stuck between a rock and hard place at the moment as I don’t have the available funds to go it alone again, paying deposits and such for a flat, the only option is a bedsit. This option isn’t very appealing to me, living with a bunch of strangers, especially with the amount of electronics I have to cart along with me, you never know if you can trust the people you share the house with do you? This means that I am stuck for the moment, I just hate the idea of the house being sold to someone else and being told we have to move out with only a few days notice. The owner of the house has said we can stay until the house is sold, but that is less than ideal, as people will be coming around to view the house while we are at work and our stuff is still in the house. Which I am not at all happy about, as things could easily go ‘missing’ and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. It has crossed my mind to sell everything, and start again somewhere else as I don’t seem to be having much luck in Plymouth! Saturday morning was the worst I have felt in ages, I just didn’t see much point in carrying on breathing, even the people in work knew that I was feeling down, normally I am quite upbeat in work and always having a laugh and a joke, but Saturday was nothing like that, I didn’t even want to interact with people! At least it was a busy day, so I didn’t have much time to dwell on my problems, which is a blessing really. It just seems that I am stuck in a rut, I am in a dead end job which I don’t enjoy (the only reason I am still there is because I like the people and potential love of my life works there) I don’t earn enough money to get out of the rut, and not having a family or girlfriend to make things better, especially as every time I try to initiate something with Helen she just seems to make excuses to not go out for a drink with me. The reasons maybe genuine, but every time I has asked she is doing something else, even making excuses on the day of the ‘date’ after initially agreeing, maybe I am reading the signs wrong, or is she just afraid to commit? I am more confused than ever!!!

OK, I am going to shut the fuck up about this now as it’s starting to make me feel depressed again, so onto something more positive, Formula One. Firstly, top marks to the marshalls at the Monaco grand prix for see through Michael Schumacher’s bullshit spin in qualifying after setting the fastest time, conveniently parking his Ferrari in the middle of the road ruining the hot laps of his rivals. The net result was that the German was demoted to the back of the grid, which put a smile on my face when I read about it late last night! It was a disappointing day for Jenson Button who could only manage a 11th place finish after a disappointing qualification session because of massive understeer problems all weekend. But it wasn’t a lost cause for the Britons; David Coulthard managed a superb 3rd place to give Red Bull Racing their first podium finish ever. The Scot kept his head and kept out of trouble while other high profile drivers fell by the wayside. Just shows that there is no substitute for experience when it comes to tracks like Monaco especially as DC lives in Monaco, so knows the streets intimately. Fernando Alonso took his 4th grand prix win this season to extend his lead over Michael Schumacher to 15 points. The sole remaining McLaren of Juan Pablo Montoya followed the Spaniard home in 2nd spot after Kimi Raikkonen went out of the race with a flaming hot engine. Michael Schumacher finished the race in 5th place behind the Honda of last years team mate Rubens Barrichello, which pleased me as the Brazilian thwarted the efforts of the Ferrari driver to pass him in the closing stages. No doubt Rubens had a smile on his face as he has had to concede to the German many times in the past despite being the better driver on the day. At least that’s some consolation for the Honda team after Jenson Button’s problems during the weekend. But you have to say that it’s not looking for the Britons chances of a win in two weeks time at Silverstone, Honda need to take a serious step forward in the next two weeks if Jenson is to have any chance of a win, especially in race trim, as Jenson’s qualifying performances have been quite strong qualifying in the top 3 in every race bar the Monaco grand prix this weekend, but I shall be keeping my fingers crossed, Jenson Button to win with David Coulthard following him home in second; hopefully miracles can happen?

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