I have come to the realisation that it could never work between myself and Lindsey, there are far too many roadblocks in our way, logistical, financial and emotional. My feelings have remained unchanged for Lindsey through all this, but she can’t reciprocate my feelings, which means that she can’t possibly be committed to making this relationship work. I do believe that she did genuinely believe that we could make this happen until the last week or two, but ultimately she was as deluded as I was believing it could possibly happen. She is in love with someone else and she can’t fight her heart; I know she does care deeply for me, but that isn’t enough when there are distances of 7000+ miles involved. We both need to be 100% committed to even consider making this work, I am not even sure I am 100% committed; I have my doubts, it’s a massive decision to relocate to another country before even considering logistics. It does hurt me like hell to have to make this decision, but following a false dream is pointless and counter-productive for both of us. I want to be able to remain friends, keeping in regular contact via Skype / Email / mySpace but that will become harder now I have decided to try to maintain a sensible sleeping pattern with the 7 hour time difference between us, I can’t operate on Arizona time, it’s put me totally out of kilter with life in the UK. The one thing we can’t do is continue as we were; that’s completely out of the question, I thought that I could just be close friends who satisfy each others sexual needs, it’s a nice ideal but it’s impractical all things considered!

Lindsey is an amazing, kind, caring and beautiful woman, any man should count themselves lucky to have someone like her. I just wish that man could have been me but in reality fate has dealt us a cruel blow by locating us on opposite sides of the world. I hope that Lindsey can find happiness, maybe with the one she loves and that I can find it within myself to move on and remain good friends with her. I don’t hold any malice towards Lindsey, I count myself lucky to have had the pleasure to meet such a wonderful person, I just wish there were more people like her in the world, the world would be a much better place!

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