My over-analytical brain…

Has probably destroyed the most important thing to me, my friendship with Lindsey and I feel completely numb at the moment. Lindsey has removed all her comments from my myspace page and deleted me from her friends list and probably blocked me from messaging her as well. I probably could have avoided this if I just sent a message back that I didn’t want to lose her instead of trying to write a complicated message back, she wouldn’t have thought that I never wanted to speak to her again, my previous stupid over analysing messages probably gave her that impression, why couldn’t I just keep my over analysing thoughts in my head. I have sent texts, emails and myspace messages to her, I don’t want to lose her from my life, I know that I can be frustrating, I know that I am complicated, but ultimately I am looking to find happiness and Lindsey makes me happy when I can spend any time with her. Over the past month I have been over analysing everything that is said and done and she has finally lost patience with me, why can’t I just be happy and enjoy what we had, I say had because I don’t think she is coming back and it’s tearing me apart. I don’t know if you understand what it’s like to want something so badly that the feelings are so intense and totally takes over you, but that’s how I feel about Lindsey. I don’t have any close friends that I can talk to, infact Lindsey is probably the closest friend I had. I just hope that Lindsey reconsiders if she gets my texts, messages or emails, it feels like there’s a huge hole in my life. I want to be able to say “its probably for the best, it would have never worked out, I’ll find someone else” – but none of those statements are true, it’s just a shame that I have realised this too late, I really feel like going out and drinking until I fall on the floor and choke on my own vomit, my life feels that empty without Lindsey in my life.

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