Why cant I let go?
I want to be able to just move on past Lindsey, but I can’t help thinking about her at every idle moment, yet I rarely to get to speak with her recently, she’s got a too busy social schedule to be able to talk with me. Besides it’s silly for me to stay up all night at the computer in the vain hope she may come online, something I did for much of last week. But the last few days I have restored a sensible sleeping pattern, going to bed at 2 – 3am, the getting up at 10 – 11am, which is more sensible for my working pattern. Sleeping all day kills any sort of real world social life, not that I have much of a social life now since giving up drinking as most of my social life revolved around pubs and clubs, e.g. drinking establishments. Guess that it’s time to get with the programme and try to find something else to occupy my mind instead of Lindsey. I can see me slipping back into drinking again as my primary reason for giving up was because Lindsey wouldn’t talk to me when I have been drinking. I have been sober for more than a week now and I haven’t had a single instant messenger conversation with Lindsey since giving up drinking. Now that I am back on a night time sleeping pattern, talking with Lindsey will be tough given that I will be going to bed as she is getting home from work and she’ll be going to bed as I am getting up, so the only chance is if I have a night off work and she is not working and online during the daytime. I have more chance of talking with my Australian friend Raechel who is 8 1/2 hours ahead, it’s just past 9:30pm in South Australia, which is more sensible for chatting!
I recently found Helen on myspace through some random searching for people I know but have lost contact with over time. I found out that one of my myspace friends Sharon knows Helen, they went to school together. She is going to pass on my number to Helen as she is offline at the moment. It reminded me how I felt about Helen and I knew that she had feelings for me, but I was never sure of how deeply her feelings ran. I did ask her out after I left Derrys (as I didn’t want to start a relationship while we worked together as these things usually end up messy), but due to my incredibly bad timing her mother had just died, obviously I didn’t know about this. I completely lost contact with her after that as she changed her number or didn’t have credit to reply to my texts, either way the number I had for her was lost when I destroyed my phone, it’s all in the archive if you missed it! My feelings for Lindsey run deeper than they do for Helen, but at least least Helen is a sensible proposition, and I know I could feel as strongly for her as I do for Lindsey in time as Helen is such a great person, all the same qualities that Lindsey has, just closer to home.
I have been messing about on Google Maps and for a laugh I decided I was going to ask directions from Plymouth, UK to Peoria, Arizona, and the result that came back was fucking hilarious, it’s step 24 that is so funny – pictured right, since I have never been much of a swimmer, I think I’ll take a plane or get on a boat! Guess Google never anticipated someone wanting to travel by car/foot to America!