I feel like a complete bastard at the moment, I have hurt Jill and probably Lindsey as well. I was stupid to look for love in America, It’s a totally unobtainable dream. I gave Jill the idea that we could make something happen, and I really would have loved something to happen between us, but apart from the logistics, there is so much red tape and financial implications. In a perfect world, all you would need is love, but this isn’t a perfect world. I am not going to go over old ground, it’s in the two entries below, I feel so bad as she has been telling all her work colleagues and friends about me, and how I felt about her, so she thinks that she has made a fool of herself. What I wrote to her really was true, I think she is a great woman and someone I really could fall in love with, but the reasons above means that if we tried to maintain a long distance relationship, it would be destructive to both our lives waiting around for something that may never happen. I am just going to give her some time and not call or contact her, I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I fear I already have as she has lost trust in me. It’s been a bittersweet day for me as I was so happy earlier in the day talking with my new friend Ali, we seem to have so much in common and both looking for the same things in life and more importantly, she’s in the UK and we have already made plans to meet. I want to point her to this blog as I don’t want to start any relationship with her without knowing me fully, but I am also scared that she will think badly of me and run a mile, which I obviously dont want to happen as this is a real chance to find love. My American friends were certainly in my mind as potential partners before Ali came on the scene and I probably handled the situation badly, it’s completely my fault I know this, I just hope that Jill can find it in her heart to forgive me and learn to trust me again in time.