The little hope that something could happen between myself and Ali has been taken away, and I am sinking fast. I need to refocus, get my career back on track, I have been neglecting work including last night I was completely preoccupied and frankly did a piss poor job. Starting the night almost 90 minutes late didn’t help my mood, having to cannibalise the speaker cables to work with another amp that doesn’t have jack or Speakon outputs, only XLR or binding posts after the amp we used died after spending a week in the cupboard.. Got the system working with with new amp fine in the end after going through a process of elimination, just as well I know a bit about wiring and fixing stuff, guess that’s my strong point; logical thinking! Anyway, I am going to leave Ali to her own devices, I’m sure she’ll contact me when she’s ready; I feel no different, but there’s no point in chasing shadows, I’m just going to throw myself into my work, keep my mind off things, stop me from dwelling on what can never be. It was definitely a mistake for us to meet, it was even stupid to think it could work, maybe we talked ourselves into it, but I am committed to making it happen, but unless Ali is equally as committed it’s pointless even trying to make something happen. The three days we spent together was the happiest days of my life, and something I would never change and for two of those days Ali was happy as well; it’s just a shame it couldn’t last! I know I’m not going to bother with anything more than friendship online, I’ve been hurt twice from meeting people online, I don’t want to make it a third time. Becoming attached to someone online then meeting and finding it a failure is hard to take, if I meet someone locally and it doesn’t work out after a few days or weeks, it’d be easier for me to deal with.
