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Fear of the bubble bursting!

Today could have easily been a the darkest day of my life. Erin sent me a text saying that she is going to have to give up on her laptop (which she uses to talk to me via Skype) as she couldn’t afford the repayments. This left me feeling completely numb and depressed as that would all but signal the end of our relationship as calling each other is out of the question. Erin gets charged for incoming calls so even if I call her it’s going to end up costing more than the cost of the laptop repayments. I didn’t realise just how much I need her in my life until today; how much I am really in love with her. I know it’s crazy for us to feel this way about each other having never met, but we have grown so close so quickly over the past two months. If I had any doubts about whether it was really what I wanted before, those doubts have been exploded; I see very clearly what I want; and that is a life with Erin and Conner. I kept on offering to help her out financially; but time and time again she refused because she didn’t want me to think she was using me, which is something that hasn’t even crossed my mind. But thankfully she has allowed me to help her out with her repayments; it’s less than £25 for me given the strength of the pound against the US dollar. I can’t even contemplate not being able to see and hear Erin on a daily basis and I refuse to let this relationship die because of a few pounds; she makes me feel so alive, happy and loved. I just have this constant fear that I will lose her because of something so silly; £25 is nothing to me; I can easily spend that in a few hours in a pub/club. Erin is worth any amount of money to me; there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her in my life, I don’t want to go back to drinking myself into an early grave; I don’t want to ever lose this feeling that Erin gives me.

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