I’m feeling a little lost right now. The last few days have been a emotional rollercoaster for myself and Erin. As I said in the last entry, Erin’s stepfather has very recently passed away and will be staying with her mother over the Christmas period! That’s fine and to be expected, but this event has changed things between us. She has asked me to stay in a hotel for the first month which is to appease her mother and father. but I see it as a waste of time, neither of them is going to like me because of the way we met. They can’t see the bigger picture, whether Erin meets someone locally or from across the world the risks are the same. I understand that they have concerns about Conners safety, but the way they have reacted to Erin meeting me, in particularly her father and stepmother is not only small minded, but damn right insulting. In simple terms calling her a whore and saying that I am just spinning her a load of lies, and I’ve heard the message that was left. And her mother isn’t likely to react any better, she never approves of Erin’s choices in men and disapproves of her even using the Internet and doesn’t want Erin even dating until Conner is five. What do I have to gain from charming Erin, I don’t want to even visit the US, let alone live there, she doesn’t have any financial wealth, my only motive is finding love and happiness; is that such a crime? I see me staying in a hotel as a pointless exercise as I can’t see that changing their mind as her father has already said he doesn’t want to meet me because of the way we met. It’s typical backward small town thinking. Basically it’s going to come down to Erin choosing between me and her parents, I don’t want her to have to make that choice and she shouldn’t have to. Also I won’t be able to afford to stay in a hotel, Erin wants to pay for me to stay in a hotel for a month, but I rather she didn’t use her tax rebate on that as it could be vital for her in a few months time if she finds herself short if she doesn’t get enough hours at work. What if it doesn’t work out as we planned? Then she will have all that extra expense for nothing, if it works out and I find work then it’ll be fine, but it’s a massive risk. I felt bad enough not being able to contribute when I was planning to move in with her straight away which would be considerably cheaper. We came very close to breaking up yesterday and I almost let it happen because of my stubborness, but I love Erin so much, she is my whole world and I would do anything for her. But me being there is going to kick up a huge shit storm, so what do I do? Erin wants me in her life and I want to be in her life, but I feel that she shouldn’t have to give up her parents for me, and god forbid having to fight custody battles because of me. They are already critical of her parenting and I think she is a great mother, she tries so hard to make a better life for herself and Conner, yet they constantly criticise her despite hardly leading role model lives themselves. I think she is worth all my effort to be with her, but I wonder whether I am worth the effort of potentially being estranged from her parents and even losing Conner, should I really put Erin through this?