Just how stupid have I been?

The last few days have been hell for me, I have been miserable not hearing Erin’s voice. I have come to the realisation that I would rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all. I think we did probably rush things, getting engaged after 5 months without even meeting is crazy. I think we do need to take a step back and rebuild our relationship because I do still love Erin and want our life together that we have planned over the past eight months. I have Emailed and texted her and now I just have to hope that she can see past my idiotic behaviour and talk to me. I would understand if she didn’t want anything to do with me and if that is the case I’ll have to deal with it the best way I can. I had to go through my old mobile phone bills to find her number again as I deleted it for the second time after Tuesday. I hope that we can still have our life together as she is perfect for me, I can’t blame her for wanting physical company. It’s frustrating to have to sit at home talking to a computer. I just didn’t realise how much Erin wanted to get out of the house and spend time with real people, I thought she was happy staying home talking to me day after day.

Update: I have briefly talked with Erin and although she didn’t want to talk tonight because she’s tired, she said she’ll talk to me tomorrow night. The better news is that she doesn’t really just want to be friends but we need to start afresh and take things slower this time around. Although I did want to talk tonight I am not going to push my luck, why she doesn’t just give up on me I have no idea. But one good bit of news is that I have Internet access at work now because I found out the key to access the wireless! So if I am working late I can communicate with Erin via messenger making it easier to let her know what’s happening!

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