Mixed Feelings!

Although I have been getting out more which I have loved doing, I also still struggle with going out on my own. I am a naturally social person, I like to be around people and doing something on my own scares me in a way. I have been only having sporadic conversations with Erin which does bother me as we’ve gone from spending every moment together to having maybe 2 – 3 hours conversation per week. I feel like we have drifted apart which is mainly my fault, now I have to deal with that. I was supposed to go out to Paignton Zoo today but the weather was looking bad and Stephen who I was supposed to go to the zoo with drank too much last night and feels ill and I wasn’t going to go on my own. I have taken the weekend off as I have very few overheads for the next couple of weeks. And I need to give my ears a rest, I have engineered a whole load of gigs in the past couple of months plus DJ nights. Wednesday night was good for a change, it was really busy, a whole new crowd of people so the music was a lot more party like instead of the usual mix of hardcore and EBM. Hopefully many of those people will come back next week, but I know that realistically we picked up the people that would have gone to C103 for the student night which was closed this week. Speaking of C103 I went there for the first time in a while and I actually quite enjoyed the night with Mike, Stephen and Kelly. Although I was pretty much dead on my feet come 3:30am when the place closed. Kelly and Stephen went onto Nations which I really didn’t fancy, I just ended up getting in a taxi with some random guy that was going the same way as me. I do miss talking with Erin but I am slowly becoming more independent and don’t feel the immense loneliness any more. I have been trying to find people on myspace in my local area without success, I have sent a load of messages to what I thought were like minded people, most have just ignored me completely and a number haven’t even read my message yet, but I’ll keep trying. I don’t want a relationship; I want friendship, someone to hang out with, probably someone that is in the same boat as me. If some romantic interest does come my way then I’ll certainly explore that. But I don’t see that happening as many women don’t find men like me attractive because I am a nice guy but I hope that eventually there will be someone out there that wants a genuinely nice guy. One thing is for sure I am not looking overseas for romantic interests, far too complicated!

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