No more back and forth!

As you know if you’ve been reading my international internet dating exploits, Erin changed her mind about me coming over and I thought that maybe a good idea to meet but still had many doubts. Last night when I got home from work I had a conversation where it came out [albeit with a leading statement from me] that she had slept with Jermaine as soon as I broke it off with her. She said that she was feeling upset and lonely because she thought she had lost me forever. That is a piss poor excuse in my book, I stayed home and cried for hours solid watching Practical Magic. Which was the first movie I downloaded to watch with Erin but we never actually got around to watching it together. Ultimately her sleeping with Jermaine was the final straw for me, as well as having the strain of having a long distance relationship, there is the added strain of me not trusting her, every time she isn’t around for me to talk to I will be paranoid that she is with him. She obviously likes him and he obviously likes her so the best solution is for them to get it together as I refuse to feel this way any more. I have to say a massive thank you to Anita for talking and texting me all day helping me through this dark day. I was positively suicidal this morning when I texted Erin telling her I don’t want to be in a relationship with her anymore. I was going to write this ‘blog entry at that point but I was just angry after hearing that bad news the night before.

Now I am at rock bottom, the only way is up and I am hoping something good will come from this. As mentioned above Anita has been talking and texting me all day keeping my spirits up just enough to stop me taking that overdose. We have been getting on incredibly well and I really like her, sure she isn’t Erin and I don’t feel the same way about her but in time maybe I will. I barely know Anita compared to Erin but I would like to get to know her a whole lot better. I know that right now I shouldn’t be looking at another relationship but I am still lonely and need to have someone to hold and love. But I’ll take it one day at a time, I would like to have a romantic relationship with Anita and I believe that she wants the same by the way we’ve been flirting all day. So we are going to meet next Thursday for lunch and spend about six hours together. Even if we only end up being friends that’ll be fine, I would rather have a friend I can hang out with than someone across the other side of the world who I cant. I think that I would prefer a slow build up in any relationship instead of jumping in with both feet like I did with Erin and Ali. And the best thing is that Anita is only 40 miles away so should things happen, I don’t have to give up anything, I can keep my job, maintain a place here in Plymouth and spend 3 days per week in Newquay as I work 4 days on, 3 days off. Catch the earliest train to Newquay and be there for breakfast on Sunday!

Another good thing that has come out of this is that I now have a passport so I am starting a huge intercontinental road trip to Poland. We’ll be setting off tomorrow evening at 9pm to catch the 4am ferry to France. Then drive straight through to Poland on Saturday. I will be staying there for four days and flying back Wednesday morning for Alternation in the evening. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and if I didn’t meet Erin I would have never applied for a passport so that is one definite benefit. Was it worth all the pain and heartache, no it wasn’t but it’s happened now and I will come out the other side a stronger person!

Have Something To Say About This Post? Please Comment Below!