I need to let go of my obsession!

I talked with Erin for a couple of hours last night and it was good to hear her voice but at the same time it was a little saddening. Erin doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone in the foreseeable future because she wants to be able to find herself. Although she did say that she still wants to have our life we talked about and planned for but I don’t see it happening. Because rather than a move to the UK she is contemplating a move back home to Texas because of some things that she has discovered in recent weeks which I am not going to discuss here. If she moves back to Texas she’ll be a lot happier because she’ll have her friends around her, who she has been missing badly since moving to Kansasn;which is great but I can see her incentive to come to the UK slowly disappearing over time. And one thing is for sure I am not going to move to the US as I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be happy there. As much as I am in love with Erin, that alone isn’t enough for me to drop everything here and move to the US. So the only option to to just be friends and talk every now and again like I do with my other American friends. As I know that if we spent too much time together we’ll just fall back to where we were before we broke up and I don’t want a long distance relationship. I want someone that I can actually feel, hold and kiss; I know I will be compromising as no-one could ever be Erin, but I need to accept that person for who they are and try not to compare any potential love interests with Erin as that would be bad and I never will meet anyone while I am still holding out for Erin. Not that I expect to meet anyone really as I am very picky about women who I want to date. Right now I feel that I need friends to progress, not another relationship and a couple of old friends have contacted me recently wanting to meet up so hopefully that’ll be a new start for me and maybe one day one of the many people I message on MySpace and Facebook will actually reply and want to talk and meet with me but that seems unlikely right at this time! But I am determined to make better use of my days, no-more staying up all night and losing the best part of the day. Erin is right about my lack of self belief; I need to be more positive about life and good things will start to happen. At least that’s the theory behind it, I need to be able to take knocks better, pick myself up, dust myself off and get back on the bike, so to speak!

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