Erin replied to my message last night and it was a generally very negative response from her. With her saying things like there’s something wrong with her and that no-one could truly care for her. Which of course it complete rubbish as I care and love her more than is even possible to describe. I have been putting a brave face on things since we last talked nearly three weeks ago. I have been miserable and I found myself defending her time and time again when people have criticised her. We have both made mistakes but ultimately Erin is the only woman for me, if there is such a thing as perfection, then Erin would be it in my eyes. Erin says she doesn’t want to feel this pain anymore so won’t let anyone get close again but this pain will never go away while she is sat there feeling lonely and isolated. I don’t want jump back into where we were before, I’d like to draw a line under everything that has happened and start over. To be able to get to the point where we were talking and just enjoying each other’s company. Not to become so deeply involved until we can a least meet and more realistically actually be together full time. Erin said that because of circumstances in Kansas she would like to move to the UK within two years, which isn’t too long to wait compared to a lifetime of loneliness and feeling unloved and unwanted! I seriously doubt that I’ll meet anyone that can live up to Erin, I will always feel that I am settling for someone because I can’t have the one I really love and want. I noticed that I try to change potential love interests to be more like Erin. I guess that I did that with Anita to a certain extent although she also did nothing to help herself so that was bound to collapse. I wish that I could somehow magically swap Erin and Anita’s locations so I could go meet Erin today but unfortunately I don’t have that power. I just hope Erin can find it in her heart to give me another chance and build a friendship and/or relationship up from scratch. But I do have a feeling that won’t happen as Erin will isolate herself and run away because she doesn’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to get hurt either but I am miserable without Erin and can’t see any future without her so therefore I will be descending into the depths of depression, slowly drinking myself to death to make the pain go away for a few hours!