There is something badly wrong with my life as I am constantly verging on the edge of depression and generally very pessimistic about my life and prospects. I think that I need to give up on the dream of Erin and having a family for the time being as I am clearly not ready for family life just yet. I need to get my own house in order before I can really even contemplate any real serious commitment. I need to get out of these nocturnal habits for a start, I need more daylight and start to have a remotely normal life. I still intend to get a day job as my job at The Voodoo Lounge is likely to vanish in October as the promoter looks to be leaving. I don’t blame her as the owner is very short sighted and wont help us to make the venue a success constantly working against the best interests of the venue. I have been desperately trying to make new friends around my local area that will allow me to have a more positive outlook on life as the people in the circles I travel in right now just seem to drag me back into pessimism mode. Ideally Erin would be my first choice but while in my current mental state that is nothing more than a pipe dream. So looking closer to home is the best approach for now, maybe I’ll find Miss Right, maybe I wont, but any romantic interest will have to be nearby and will have to friends first, maybe more later… I am lonely and I do want that special person in my life, but that special person can’t be on the end of a webcam and microphone, which seems to be a theme of my life the past two years. I need real physical contact, not a ‘virtual’ girlfriend which is what my life in the past two years have amounted to. I may have met Ali but that almost turned into a dirty weekend… SEX = LOVE – at least that’s what Ali seemed to equate love with, just a kiss and cuddle didn’t seem to be on her agenda. I am hopelessly attracted to Erin but that lifestyle is extremely bad news for me as I have almost ceased to function in the REAL world!