I’m defeated, my 15 year old son wins!
The struggle with my son’s school grades over the last 5 1/2 years has been well documented here on my blog. And, I have finally given in and gave all his video games back to him as grades for game time clearly has not worked. If he wants to ruin his life by refusing to put in the effort, so be it, it’s his choice.
He has finished another semester with poor grades, three D’s this time, just scraping out of an F by 1% point at the last moment, after having that F for almost the whole semester. Our son has an IEP which gives him an extra 24 hours to hand in his work, but instead of bringing the work home, he chooses to lay around in bed, sleeping away his life, instead of using that advantage to improve his grades.
We have offered to help him, but he always refuses, claiming that us getting on his case makes him angry. Also claiming that he is stupid, which he is not, the only way he is stupid is turning down help to achieve the grades we know he can get. At 15 years of age, only he can decide to make a concerted effort to improve his situation, after a 5 1/2 year battle, it’s clear that we cannot encourage a change in mentality.
I told him while handing over his video games and handhelds that only he can change is future, he can play video games day and night, as much as he wants, but once he is done with school and is 18 years old, he will need to pay his way, either paying his share to live in our house, or move out and pay for his own bills. I refuse to allow him to lounge about on our dime, which of course he thinks is fine right now, but he’ll be in for a shock when the Internet will be turned off in his room, meaning no TV, or games.
But, in the United States, that high school diploma is all-important, most employers won’t even look at you without that piece of paper. Meaning he will have to complete a GED instead, which does not carry the same weight as a high school diploma, limiting his options. He also claims that he no longer wants to go to Full Sail University to study game development anymore, We tried to dangle the carrot of FSU in front of him to incentivize him to put in the required effort to get the grades to be accepted into FSU.
I have deep concerns about his future in the adult world, as he has a mentality of entitlement like the world owes him something. When the idea of working a part-time job was floated when he was 16, he had the idea that he could keep all the money, while we still pay for everything for him. I fear he will not be able to hold down a job as he refuses to follow instructions, he will do it his way, regardless of how many times he is instructed to do it the correct way, which I doubt any employer will tolerate.
Finally, he does have a diagnosis of Asperger’s, on the Autism spectrum. Our son will use that diagnosis as a reason for his poor grades, which tells me how smart he is. If he can use that diagnosis to manipulate the situation, he is smart enough to get the necessary school grades, which he has proven time and time again, turning F’s into A’s in a matter of weeks in past years. Now in 2019, he has just stopped trying and accepted the video game ban, electing to sleep his life away instead, much to our dismay.
He’s my son and I love him, but I have to be tough on him, showing him the harsh realities of adult life, which he is only 3 years away from at this time, sheltering him from reality will not help in the long run.