Insomnia
For as long as I can remember, going back deep into my pre-teens, I have suffered from chronic insomnia, finding it hard to, firstly, fall asleep, and secondly, stay asleep, averaging between 2 and 4 hours sleep per night, often not getting to sleep until 4am or later on the majority of nights.
In my younger years, it was not such a problem as I could manage on less than four hours sleep each night, and for much of that time, I worked evenings as a sound technician, so I did not have to get up early to work a 9 to 5 job, even when I worked a 9 to 5, I managed fine on a handful of hours of sleep.
My insomnia was such a regular event that it became the new normal, and I gave it no mind, just went on with my life. It’s only later in life, after passing 30 that it started to become an issue, with my body not being able to function properly on less than half the amount of sleep an average person requires.
I have tried all sorts of sleeping pills, natural supplements like melatonin and various liquid sleep aids, which partly work, helping me to get to sleep sooner, but I don’t remain asleep, the slightest sound wakes me up, as I am a light sleeper. And the effect of the sleep aid leaves me even more drowsy the next day.
At 43 years of age, it has started to become a real problem, to the point where I need to take naps during the day, just to function, being able to do my job. Thankfully, my job is flexible and autonomous, i.e. I make my own schedule, which is great, as I would struggle with a 9 to 5 job at this point in my life.
It’s gotten to the point, where I pre-schedule social media posts during the night, writing copy for online adverts, etc, after everyone else goes to bed, using insomnia to my advantage, although, I much rather be asleep next to my wife, instead of being sat in my home office working 1am through 5am.
It concerns me that my alertness level is not where it should be while I drive my son to high school at 7:30am, which is a 14-mile round trip, after sometimes as little as one hour sleep. Touch wood, I have managed to avoid any accidents, I don’t know how, as most days, the journey is just a blur in my memory.
Mentally, in the past half dozen years, insomnia has taken a major toll on me, it’s incredibly frustrating not being able to sleep next to my wife! Sometimes, I just lay there, listening to Youtube, or something on Netflix on my tablet, hoping to be able to fall asleep before the birds start chirping as dawn breaks.
I struggle with clinical depression, and insomnia, not being able to get a good night’s sleep, makes my depression worse, which has a negative effect on family life. I’m so mentally and physically exhausted, that I rarely am up for doing much with the family, much to the frustration of my wife and daughter.
It is truly a miserable life, living with insomnia, and I know it’s only going to get worse as I get older, as my body is less able to bounce back from the lack of daily sleep. And after more than 30 years of fighting this disorder, on rare occasions, I do think, I hope I do not wake up, ever again, let me pass away in my sleep.